I recently received a week-long Twitter ban for expressing my hope that Elon Musk would die soon. I want to see his baby mamas tear apart his fortune in endless litigation, like Family Court Diadochi. This wasn’t the first time I got in trouble on that sight for expressing my loathing of its current owner. Since I can’t yell at him through his website, I’ve decided to vent my frustrations on this blog instead. Here, I’m free to explain in detail why I despise this bastard, this vile, rotten billionaire.

I can’t recall the first I heard of Mr. Musk, but I’ve been, at best, suspicious of him for a long time. My hostility towards him started with his role as CEO of SpaceX, of which he also serves as its public face. Privatizing space is one of many issues that concern me more than the average person. Even so, space exploration and colonization are too vital a task to leave to private firms. Firms will chase short-term profit over long-term planning. This is inimical to the very foundations of space exploration. From the start, I knew that Mr. Musk was not the genius that the media in the ’00s and ’10s thought. He was a con man using his vast wealth to make himself appear more important to humanity than he was.

Yet, at the time, my dislike of him was no more intense than that I felt for every other member of the world’s elite. While I never considered him a visionary like many people once did, I assumed he was at least intelligent. His resume had an impressive list of companies: PayPal, SpaceX, and Tesla, among others. His resume had an impressive list of companies, including PayPal, SpaceX, and Tesla. I’ll concede that he was once bright in the general sense of the term; he could seem interesting when he spoke. But if this was ever the case, that time has long passed.

When I look at Musk now, I feel a visceral sense of revulsion that goes beyond the political. He disgusts me in the purest sense of the term. My bowels churn when I see his Innsmouth Look face or Rob Liefeld’s caricature body. I am not exaggerating when I say his visage comes straight from the Uncanny Valley. I worry he’d trigger my lizard brain’s fight-or-flight instinct if I were in a room with him. People mock the shades he wore to his CPAC talk, and they’re right to do so. But at least they hid his eyes, which resemble bags of blood and pus. His skin’s putrid color calls to mind a moldy apple or the thin layer of salmonella slime that coats raw chicken.

It’s no secret why he looks this way, either. It’s not the result of disease or anything that would make me feel bad for this mockery. It’s the result of his alleged frequent mixing of ketamine and amphetamines. Mixing uppers and downers, even taking NyQuil after drinking coffee, wrecks your day. But snorting ketamine and Adderall together is sure to fuck you up.

What is the result of all this drug use? The world’s wealthiest man and co-leader of the United States cannot finish a sentence. Our country is run by a senile dullard (Trump) who is, in turn, “advised” by a man who wouldn’t look out of place in a halfway house. Today alone, Trump supported Musk by buying a Tesla and quoted verbatim from Tesla PR at the ceremony. It’s one thing to know I’m ruled by people dumber than me; it’s another thing that they’re dumber than anyone I know.

Perhaps I’m still being too hard on Musk by mocking him for his drug addictions. I know good people who suffer from this curse and fall into it for various reasons. Some couldn’t handle the stresses of life – no judgment there from me – or drifted into it by accident. Every person with an addiction has their own story, and almost all of them are tragic. 

So why did Musk start using drugs? What massive burdens weighed heavily on his soul? As far as I can tell, he started abusing his cocktail of choice because he wanted to post more on Twitter. He couldn’t handle replying to every post by HitlerRapist1488 about evil Wokes. He struggled to retweet posts about “migrant groomers” raping every child in Europe. How stupid must you be to get brain rot from your website? How dumb do you have to be to get tricked by your psyop, your feeding ground for the most degenerate posters? 

I suppose that is at the heart of why I hate this bastard so much: he’s so blatantly a moron. He became the power behind the throne – a position once held by evil men, yes, but men of skill -because he posted a bunch. 

When I think about Musk’s power, I think of the displacement of feudalism by capitalism. One argument for capitalism was it rewards merit, compared to hereditary nobility. Indeed, this argument seemed accurate for most of the post-1789 era. The Middle Ages saw many incompetent or incapable people handed power due to lineage. But, now liberal capitalism churns out equally pathetic leaders. Look around the world; what do you see? Ascendant fascism rants about imagined slights while dismantling society out of pettiness. Opposing them are centrists who are feckless, incapable of actually performing politics. In the corporate world, the titans of industry obsess over short-term profits. They’re either ripping the copper wiring out or falling prey to scams: the meta-verse, NFTs, and AI. At least the Vanderbilts and Rockefellers patronized the arts and built pretty buildings.

Every time I look at Musk, I think of a quote from the first episode of The Sopranos:

It’s good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that, and I know. But lately, I’m getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over.

I hate Elon Musk because he reminds me that things will only get worse, and it will be a long time before they get better. 

I also hate him because he gives his kids stupid fucking names. “X AE A-12” is not a name you give your son; it sounds like the noise C-3PO makes when he orgasms.

(Forgive me for how rambling this post is. Thinking about Musk for too long gives me a headache.)